R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me...
Tomorrow is super Tuesday - primary election day in Ohio. In political elections, I think we can all agree something is lacking - respect. There is so much mud-slinging among candidates in the election process. Unfortunately for all of us, research shows that it works, so there is not much likelihood of it changing anytime soon.
But there is one area that we can control - it's not just the politicians who need to learn respect. We all need to learn to be respectful of people we disagree with. Here are my thoughts about what we can all do, what I try to do in my own life, though not perfectly by any stretch...
1. Be willing to listen. This doesn't mean that you have to change your opinion, though being open to being wrong is a good thing in my opinion. After all, few of us have held the same opinions for our whole lives. But more than that, we need to listen to people who disagree with us because we can gain understanding about the other side of the issue and learn where people are coming from. We may find we have more in common than we realize.
2. Share opinions without putting anyone down. I try to remind myself God loves everyone, even that politician I would never vote for - and the people who do vote for them. I have reasons for my opinions, but if I want people to listen to them with respect, I need to share them with respect.
3. Let it go. Sometimes this means not sharing your opinion at all. Other times it can be at the end of sharing your opinion, and knowing you will never agree. There are some people with whom you will never agree. Be willing to accept that disagreement, and move on. Sometimes it is just not worth fighting about.
4. Know when to share and when to let it go. This can be the hardest part - particularly when it comes to those issues we are most passionate about. But think about this when deciding - is debating this [further] going to be helpful? Or will it hurt the relationship I have with this person? Is it worth it?
I can tell you that I have friends of many different political persuasions. I respect that they have their opinions, and I hope they respect that I have mine. I remember in college having a conversation with a friend. She and her roommate had recently debated at length a hot-button political issue, and after hours of heated debate, they came to a couple conclusions - first, this was an issue they would never agree on, and second, that they both came to their perspective out of a place of love. Because of this connection, they were able to let it go and remain friends.
This last part is from a post I wrote last year, when my blog was still just for me, that shares a little of why I think this issue is a big deal and these conversations are valuable..
I love good conversations. I think they are one of my favorite things in the world. And this week I was blessed to have 2 really good conversations with 2 good friends. But the one I am still thinking about it the one I had yesterday. I don't even know how Emily and I got on the topic, but we started talking about what I call "I'm right, you're stupid" syndrome that seems to permeate our society. I call it this because as I look at things people post on blogs, on facebook, in the comments of news articles, I see things go very quickly from stating a opinion to name-calling. It's beyond the point of "I'm right, and if you disagree with me, you're wrong," to the point of "I'm right, and if you disagree with me you're the biggest idiot that ever existed and your opinion has no value whatsoever." Hence the name, "I'm right, you're stupid" syndrome. And I know that not everyone is this way, I am blessed to know many people who don't behave this way - online or elsewhere. But many people do behave this way - I see it all the time.
Anyway back to the conversation. As Emily and I were talking about this I had a realization - this is the thing that scares me most about our current society. It's not the people that disagree with me, even those in positions of power. It's not the scary things that are happening in the world. Though both of those things are things I would like to change, they don't scare me nearly as much as the current trend of believing that anyone who doesn't agree with what [I] believe is stupid. (I use the brackets because I am not actually talking about myself in this sense, but that [I] refers to the many people in society who think this way.) Sure I have my opinions, but I think that I respectfully listen to the opinions of others - even when I know when they start that I disagree with them - and even when I know they are not going to change my mind. I look at my friends, and they have such a wide range of political, social, and religious beliefs. And honestly, I think that's good. No, we don't talk about those things a lot, but I think we know the differences are there. But we are friends in spite of these things, and I learn from them and am challenged because I know them.
Sometimes that challenge is simply in having to put my opinion into words. When the only people you ever spend time with agree with you, you never really have to verbalize what you are thinking or what you believe - and that is an important thing to be able to do, so that challenge is good.
And sometimes that challenge is quite directly to what I believe. Sometimes one of my friends will make a point that makes me think about what it is that I believe, and question it. And that is good as well, because it is only through challenges that we grow.
I know I don't have all the answers. And I am equally sure that I have some answers not quite right at the very least, and quite possibly wrong. And that's ok. Because I am willing to listen, to learn, and to grow.
But there is one area that we can control - it's not just the politicians who need to learn respect. We all need to learn to be respectful of people we disagree with. Here are my thoughts about what we can all do, what I try to do in my own life, though not perfectly by any stretch...
1. Be willing to listen. This doesn't mean that you have to change your opinion, though being open to being wrong is a good thing in my opinion. After all, few of us have held the same opinions for our whole lives. But more than that, we need to listen to people who disagree with us because we can gain understanding about the other side of the issue and learn where people are coming from. We may find we have more in common than we realize.
2. Share opinions without putting anyone down. I try to remind myself God loves everyone, even that politician I would never vote for - and the people who do vote for them. I have reasons for my opinions, but if I want people to listen to them with respect, I need to share them with respect.
3. Let it go. Sometimes this means not sharing your opinion at all. Other times it can be at the end of sharing your opinion, and knowing you will never agree. There are some people with whom you will never agree. Be willing to accept that disagreement, and move on. Sometimes it is just not worth fighting about.
4. Know when to share and when to let it go. This can be the hardest part - particularly when it comes to those issues we are most passionate about. But think about this when deciding - is debating this [further] going to be helpful? Or will it hurt the relationship I have with this person? Is it worth it?
I can tell you that I have friends of many different political persuasions. I respect that they have their opinions, and I hope they respect that I have mine. I remember in college having a conversation with a friend. She and her roommate had recently debated at length a hot-button political issue, and after hours of heated debate, they came to a couple conclusions - first, this was an issue they would never agree on, and second, that they both came to their perspective out of a place of love. Because of this connection, they were able to let it go and remain friends.
This last part is from a post I wrote last year, when my blog was still just for me, that shares a little of why I think this issue is a big deal and these conversations are valuable..
I love good conversations. I think they are one of my favorite things in the world. And this week I was blessed to have 2 really good conversations with 2 good friends. But the one I am still thinking about it the one I had yesterday. I don't even know how Emily and I got on the topic, but we started talking about what I call "I'm right, you're stupid" syndrome that seems to permeate our society. I call it this because as I look at things people post on blogs, on facebook, in the comments of news articles, I see things go very quickly from stating a opinion to name-calling. It's beyond the point of "I'm right, and if you disagree with me, you're wrong," to the point of "I'm right, and if you disagree with me you're the biggest idiot that ever existed and your opinion has no value whatsoever." Hence the name, "I'm right, you're stupid" syndrome. And I know that not everyone is this way, I am blessed to know many people who don't behave this way - online or elsewhere. But many people do behave this way - I see it all the time.
Anyway back to the conversation. As Emily and I were talking about this I had a realization - this is the thing that scares me most about our current society. It's not the people that disagree with me, even those in positions of power. It's not the scary things that are happening in the world. Though both of those things are things I would like to change, they don't scare me nearly as much as the current trend of believing that anyone who doesn't agree with what [I] believe is stupid. (I use the brackets because I am not actually talking about myself in this sense, but that [I] refers to the many people in society who think this way.) Sure I have my opinions, but I think that I respectfully listen to the opinions of others - even when I know when they start that I disagree with them - and even when I know they are not going to change my mind. I look at my friends, and they have such a wide range of political, social, and religious beliefs. And honestly, I think that's good. No, we don't talk about those things a lot, but I think we know the differences are there. But we are friends in spite of these things, and I learn from them and am challenged because I know them.
Sometimes that challenge is simply in having to put my opinion into words. When the only people you ever spend time with agree with you, you never really have to verbalize what you are thinking or what you believe - and that is an important thing to be able to do, so that challenge is good.
And sometimes that challenge is quite directly to what I believe. Sometimes one of my friends will make a point that makes me think about what it is that I believe, and question it. And that is good as well, because it is only through challenges that we grow.
I know I don't have all the answers. And I am equally sure that I have some answers not quite right at the very least, and quite possibly wrong. And that's ok. Because I am willing to listen, to learn, and to grow.
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