What really matters...

This year I coordinated the Family Christmas Eve service at church. Instead of a single message, I did 3 short reflections. Here are those reflections: The gift of underachieving Anyone who has ever had a baby knows how much it changes your life. Two years ago on Christmas day, I found out I was pregnant. Our daughter was born September 1, 2018. I’ll be honest – I had done a lot with kids and while I knew being a parent would be different than any of those things, I felt like I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I did not; it was still much different than I expected. Harder in some ways. Surprising in others. More emotional in almost every way. She brings me joy that I never knew before. And has taught me so much over the last 15 months. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned has been to go with the flow. And I was already a pretty laid back person! But in order to find peace in where I am in life, I had to let go of my expectations. My expectations of her as a baby and

I am so fortunate. I start with that because I am not in the best mental space as I write this, so I want you to know up front that I know how fortunate I am to lead the life I do. I have a wonderful family and support system. I have a flexible job that I enjoy that also gives me the opportunity to spend my days with my young daughter. I have a house that we are working on making our own. And I am so grateful for all these things and so much more. And yet… Actually, I don’t even know quite where to go with those two words yet. I just know that I feel unsatisfied by those things, like there’s something missing. It’s almost as if my life has been consumed by those things – my family, my daughter, my job, my house – and I don’t know where I am anymore. I am lost in inside my own life. And so today I begin a journey of finding myself again. Not because I don’t love and appreciate each of those things, but because I need to get out of this rut. Because right now I feel like I am a

I have been United Methodist since I was born. Growing up, my dad was a United Methodist Pastor. I was only about 10 days old the first time I went to annual conference. I spent 5 summers working at a United Methodist camp in college and after. And for more than 10 years I have worked at United Methodist churches. There is probably not another institution that is more entrenched in who I am. This weekend, United Methodists gathered in St. Louis for a special General Conference to debate the future of the church, specifically with regard to recognizing ordination and marriage of people who identify as LGBTQ+. As I watch from afar, I pray. So often we get caught up in being legalistic and what are the "rules." It's hard because we are a people who need structure. We like clear lines between right and wrong - and to think we know what those are. But life is not that clear cut. And so I pray for humility to know not one of us has all the answers. I pray for love that re