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Making space

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  I shared this picture a while ago on my Facebook page and said that maybe later I would share the thoughts behind it. So here goes: These words are certainly true on an individual level in our own lives, but that’s not where my heart and mind were when I wrote them. I wrote these words after we discussed the first chapter of T he Color of Compromise: The Truth about the American Church’s Complicity in Racism . This book examines the history of the church in the United States and the ways that it has enabled racism both actively and passively. This isn’t the first book I have read on this topic. I also recently read Be the Bridge: Pursuing God’s Heart for Racial Reconciliation . As I’m reading these books and learning more about our history, I am left wondering what we are losing by burying it instead of acknowledging, repenting, and reconciling from it. That is my heart behind these words: There is no redemption without mess. There is no miracle without brokenness. There is no resurr
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Relentless Humanization

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Ok I've had a couple opportunities to write lately and wanted to share them with you. This first one was written as a devotion on our church Facebook group and was a reflection following Sunday worship in which Pastor Chris shared a message titled "Love Your Enemies" based on Matthew 5:43-48 and using the movie How to Train Your Dragon as an illustration. (The service is here, and worth watching  https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=656995488285956 ) Here are my thoughts: I wanted to continue the conversation about loving our enemies from Pastor Chris’s message yesterday. Relentless humanization is something I have been practicing in these divided days. It’s not easy, but it is necessary in order to love our enemies. We need to look behind actions for the emotions that are driving us. As I look around, I see a lot of people acting and reacting from pain and fear. Fear of change. Fear of nothing changing. Fear of losing jobs and a struggling economy. Fear of coronavirus. Fea
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Christmas Reflections

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This year I coordinated the Family Christmas Eve service at church. Instead of a single message, I did 3 short reflections. Here are those reflections: The gift of underachieving Anyone who has ever had a baby knows how much it changes your life. Two years ago on Christmas day, I found out I was pregnant. Our daughter was born September 1, 2018. I’ll be honest – I had done a lot with kids and while I knew being a parent would be different than any of those things, I felt like I had a pretty good handle on what to expect. I did not; it was still much different than I expected. Harder in some ways. Surprising in others. More emotional in almost every way. She brings me joy that I never knew before. And has taught me so much over the last 15 months. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned has been to go with the flow. And I was already a pretty laid back person! But in order to find peace in where I am in life, I had to let go of my expectations. My expectations of her as a baby and
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And yet...

I am so fortunate. I start with that because I am not in the best mental space as I write this, so I want you to know up front that I know how fortunate I am to lead the life I do. I have a wonderful family and support system. I have a flexible job that I enjoy that also gives me the opportunity to spend my days with my young daughter. I have a house that we are working on making our own. And I am so grateful for all these things and so much more. And yet… Actually, I don’t even know quite where to go with those two words yet. I just know that I feel unsatisfied by those things, like there’s something missing. It’s almost as if my life has been consumed by those things – my family, my daughter, my job, my house – and I don’t know where I am anymore. I am lost in inside my own life. And so today I begin a journey of finding myself again. Not because I don’t love and appreciate each of those things, but because I need to get out of this rut. Because right now I feel like I am a
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Love.

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I have been United Methodist since I was born. Growing up, my dad was a United Methodist Pastor. I was only about 10 days old the first time I went to annual conference. I spent 5 summers working at a United Methodist camp in college and after. And for more than 10 years I have worked at United Methodist churches. There is probably not another institution that is more entrenched in who I am. This weekend, United Methodists gathered in St. Louis for a special General Conference to debate the future of the church, specifically with regard to recognizing ordination and marriage of people who identify as LGBTQ+. As I watch from afar, I pray. So often we get caught up in being legalistic and what are the "rules." It's hard because we are a people who need structure. We like clear lines between right and wrong - and to think we know what those are. But life is not that clear cut. And so I pray for humility to know not one of us has all the answers. I pray for love that re
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It's not OK.

On April 20, 1999, I was a junior in high school. I had stayed after school because I had practice for the spring musical, but the rehearsal wasn’t right after school so I had some time to fill between the two. I just didn’t have a ride back to the school if I went home. I remember walking through the cafeteria that afternoon and looking up at the TV. The news was on and it was showing footage of Columbine High School in Colorado. I remember standing there in disbelief. It was one of those things that was difficult to comprehend, because it had never happened before. I mean, we had had bomb scares from my middle school, but those were always some prankster calling from the pay phone in the school to get out of class – and they stopped when the pay phone was taken out. And I remember those bomb threats as being fun times hanging out with my friends instead of being in class. I never thought it could be real. Not until Columbine. And what breaks my heart is that today's youth have
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Just be.

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First, let me start by saying that Brene Brown's new book,  Braving the Wilderness , should be required reading for everyone these days. It speaks so much to our current societal reality. It is important, if only we can hear it. Ok, moving on... We as people are designed to see patterns in things. Sometimes we see patterns that don't exist and other times patterns help us understand that which is happening around  us. And there are the times that we refuse to acknowledge the connections between the patterns we see, but that is a post for another time. I have been told that my brain makes connections that other people don't see. I find it to be a true gift as someone who teaches and leads others. And over the last week I have been thinking about presence. There are three places these thoughts have come up. First, was from the aforementioned book,  Braving the Wilderness. In Chapter 4, titled "People are Hard to Hate Close Up: Move In," Brene Brown writes the fo
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