Not my plan...

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." ~ Isaiah 55:8-9

My life is not what I thought it would be. In just a few short months I will be turning 29. And I know that's still young, but this is not where I thought I would be. I was watching Gilmore Girls last night, and this quote that Lorelai said really rung true for me...

"I'm happy, you know? I like my life, I like my friends, I like my...stuff. My time, my space, my TV. But every now and then I wish I had a partner. Someone to pick up the slack, someone to wait for the cable guy, make ME coffee in the morning. Meet the stupid sink before it gets shipped back to Canada."

That's how I feel. I like my life.

I have a job that I love. I love the teenagers I work with, and the adults at my church as well. I love watching kids get excited about faith and life in general. I love seeing kids and teenagers "get it." And I simply love the youth for themselves - all their differences, the ways they see the world, the questions they ask, the ways they are willing to challenge the system, just who they are. But my life can't revolve around my job, no matter how much I love it. It's not healthy (and a little creepy if my whole life revolves around teenagers).

I have amazing friends. Friends that I know will be there when I need them. Friends that will make time to hang out. But my friends have their own lives. They have boyfriends/fiances/husbands/families and other friends. They have jobs/school. And for the most part, they don't live all that close to me. All of this makes hanging out something that has to be planned around schedules and time constraints. As much as I love my friends, there are limitations to our friendships.

I want someone to share my life with. Someone who I talk to at the end of every day, just to check in. Someone who can listen when I need to vent, and someone who I can do that for too. I want to fully share my life with someone. But that someone hasn't appeared yet. I haven't found him. And most of the time I am ok with waiting, because, like I said, I like my life. But sometimes, I just feel tired of waiting. Tired of wishing and dreaming of that day. Tired of going it alone. And I ask "Why me?" Or more often, "Why not me?"

And that is when I need to remember this verse. I need to remember that the way God works is not the way I work. That God's plans are worth waiting for no matter how long it takes. And I give it to God again. And keep going. And keep praying. And keep seeking. And keep trying. And keep hoping and dreaming. And keep waiting. That is the life of a single person who wants to share her life.

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