Music

Some people are naturally gifted with regards to music.  I can think of a number of people in my life for whom that is true.  For these people, they pick up music easily, they have an ear for rhythm and pitch and key.  That is not me.  Don't get me wrong - I am a huge fan of music.  But I don't have a natural gift for it.  I have a nice voice - but I start in a different key every time I start a song. And I have no rhythm - whether it's with my flute or singing, I just do it by what sounds right to me, which does not have a steady rhythm.  Which drives those musically gifted people crazy, I'm sure.

But the thing is, despite my less than stellar musical skills, I love music.  I especially love lyrics.  There are so many songs that I can point to as just saying what I am feeling in a particular time of my life.  And music is definitely a way that I connect to God.  There are many times that I have been singing a song, and I suddenly hear God challenging me to something new, or reminding me that he is with me. The past few days there have been a number of songs that I have really been connecting with, and each song has a line that just speaks to me where I am... 

"Perfection is my enemy" (Francesca Battistelli, Free to Be Me)

I care far too much what other people think of me.  And I want to be perfect.  But you know what - I'm not.  And in many ways, that is a freeing thought.  Because trying to be perfect, honestly is quite stressful.  And if I am willing to let go of that ideal, God can use me in new ways.  In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Paul writes "[The Lord] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."   Christ wants to work through my weaknesses, but I need to accept them in order to let him do so.

"Stop fighting a fight that's already been won" (Big Daddy Weave, Redeemed)

This line has been haunting me since Emmaus in April. When I hear this line, I am reminded that I am doing just that - fighting a fight that God has already finished.  I am striving for perfection.  But God has already freed me from the need to be perfect.  God loves me.  I don't have to earn it.   And I know that in my head, but sometimes I don't live it in my life.

"I lift my empty hands, have your way my king.  I lift my eyes again, 'cause you're all I need." (Sidewalk Prophets, Help Me Find It)

Yesterday I was having a very ADD thought day, where my brain was just flitting all over the place.  And during church, I was thinking about a number of things, and I very clearly heard God ask me, "Am I enough?"  In other words, if the dreams and plans that I have for my life never come to be, if everything I have now were to fall apart - would I be content?  Paul says in Philippians 4:12, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."  

I honestly don't know that I have found that kind of peace.  I like feeling I have enough to not only meet my needs, but to satisfy some of my wants as well.   I have dreams for my future that I don't want to let go of.  And let me be clear here - I don't think God is asking me to give them up - at least not yet.  I think he is asking if I would be willing to.  Do I love God more than my hopes and dreams?  Do I love God more than what I spend my money on?  Is God enough?  Do I trust him whatever may come?  Really?

My answer is sometimes... and in those moments, when I am able to really put God first in my life and let go of my own insecurities, doubts, and fears, and also my human dreams and desires for my life, when I truly let go and trust that God is enough for me, it is then that I can sing...

"Then sings my soul
My Savior God to thee
How great thou art
How great thou art"

with so much passion that I truly feel like Carrie Underwood, instead of my not so musically gifted self.  And that is a truly beautiful moment.



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