Permission Granted

Do you ever have a day that comes with a message that seems impossible to miss? Like it's a giant neon sign, or God hitting you up side the head with a 2x4. That was my day today.

It started at Girls on the Run. I volunteer on Tuesdays as a running buddy, and each day there is a lesson about empowerment, friendship, or some other important life lesson for the girls, as well as time to run and take care of our physical selves. Today's theme was "Star Power", and it was all about those things that we do that shine - kindness, confidence, encouragement, and so much more. But that was a lesson for girls in 4th and 5th grade, and relatively easily ignored after my crazy earlier day.

However, since I didn't get enough exercise during Girls on the Run to achieve the goals set by my Apple Watch, and I currently have a streak of almost 60 days going, I needed a little more exercise. So I decided to go to the gym and get on the bike for 20 minutes. And I decided to start reading Brene Brown's new book, Braving the Wilderness. I only made it through the first chapter and found these gems:

"Do not think you can be brave with your life and your work and never disappoint anyone. It doesn't work that way" (Brene quoting Oprah)

"Set the intention. Follow through."

"After fifteen years of this work, I can confidently say that stories of pain and courage almost always include two things: praying and cussing. Sometimes at the same time."

And the kicker of all of them:

"You will always belong anywhere you show up as yourself..."

Wow. Words I need to pin on the wall in my office, maybe on the mirror in my bathroom, as it's a reminder I need everyday. And so I turned off the Kindle app, and decided to just listen to music for the rest of my workout. Music is a way that God often speaks to me; lyrics speak to my soul in ways that nothing else can. And tonight was no different.

First it was Plumb's "Exhale"

"Just let go. Let His love wrap around you and hold you close. Get lost in the surrender. Breathe in until your heart breaks, then exhale."

And suddenly I found myself in a moment of pure worship and surrender there in the gym. The lights had turned off because the motion detectors couldn't see my movement on the bike, and so there in the darkness of the apartment complex fitness room, I had a God moment. And then I had a dance party. Because the next song I listened to was Rachel Platten's "Fight Song." The line that stuck out the most:

"I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion."

Sometimes I feel I can do so little. And what good is the little I can do? Especially in these days when the world is just so crazy - hurricanes, earthquakes, fear, violence - it's all so overwhelming. What is my calling in days like these? How am I supposed to respond when I don't even know what to pay attention to?

I don't have the answers. But one other thing Brene talked about is when she was really struggling with being present in a moment, she wrote a permission slip for herself that said "Permission to be excited and goofy and to have fun."

Today's message is that I do belong. I belong to myself. And I belong to a God who created me and loves me, just as I am. When I claim those things, when I give myself permission to simply be me, I feel more confident, capable, and strong, and I can do what is in front of me. I can make a difference. My one match can create an explosion of hope, of love, of kindness. And it matters.